oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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