Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize