You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
