We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
