Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
