How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
