So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize