For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
