guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
