Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
