Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
