that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
