Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
