I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
