Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
