the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
