Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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