You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
