Quick, to the slutcave!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
