I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
