The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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