I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
