we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You've changed since you got that strap on
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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