Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
