so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
