drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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