It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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