sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
smell my finger.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
