Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
