I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
