oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
two words: eviction party
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
