hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
