Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
