the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
