***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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