It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
