fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize