I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
