my vag is so smooth its legendary
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Everything about him screamed your future.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
