I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
