He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
