I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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