I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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