So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
