Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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