I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
