i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
