When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
