He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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