sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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