Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
