i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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