my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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