Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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