Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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