At least make sure they are 18
Why
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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