Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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