Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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