We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
