Porn is love you can see.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
