rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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