I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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