my vag is so smooth its legendary
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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