I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
