i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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