Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize