Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Bring me that man meat
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
