some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
