I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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