Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im holly from the hills drunk
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
