I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
