i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
